i'm going home

What brings me the idea of having a thousand miles journey in my life? Cause now when I am really thousand miles away from where I belong, I've seen people around me stumbled. And that brings me doubt. Will I be able to continue? I need support, and lots of courage. If no one can give it to me, I guess I have to search it from deep inside of me.
During the Indonesian Night, I stood really next to the stage in each performance, also during the Saman Dance Performance. And that was when I saw Brian there. He danced, beautifully as he always did in the practice, but he seemed to be not there. Then I realized something must have happened to him, or to his family back home.
I kept on wondering what the worst could happen, until late at night. I was throwing myself on my bed just like that, without even changing my clothes for I was so tired. There was a knock on my door, and Tsuroyya was there. Her eyes were red, and she told me that Yiyik's mother just passed away. Brian's mother in law. My heart stopped, and I couldn't help crying. I cannot do anything, but pray that God gives them strength to pass all of these.
Tsui then posted one important sentence in my head that gets stuck until now for I haven't found the answer: If this is what we have to pay for being away, so so far way, is it worth? If this means that we would skip the chance to say goodbye to the person we love so dearly before they're gone? Is it worth?
As Yiyik told Tsui, "go home, when you are still able to see them. Unlike me, when I missed my mom I just don't know where to find her."
When I pondered upon this, I am just a child compared to them. If I have to cry because what I am facing now, when a person who barely remember me hurts me so bad.